GO ROCK GO!! GO ROCK GO!!

4 Cups in 5 years! Another dynasty in Toronto sports history!!

There's a lot of stuff going on; I don't know what to write about.

I rode in a luxury SUV the other day; a Lexus to be precise. GPS, rear-view camera, touch-screen menus, rear-seat DVD with wireless headphones. It's a techie-geek's dream. Oh, and the car actually takes you from A to B as well.

I'm finally claiming that website contest prize from Contiki and hauling myself to the other side of the planet. I never realised how complicated travel plans can get. My itinerary has changed drastically over the past week, and it still isn't quite done.

Either the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim or Minnesota Wild will advance to the Stanley Cup Final. Something must be strangely wrong with the world if this sort of situtation can happen. Thankfully, the Rock pulled through to maintain some sort of sanity to the world of sport.

The new ball hockey season is under way, and we're playing soccer too, since the weather is nice and I could use the extra exercise to shrink my beer belly. There also seems to be more girls at those games, which pleases me.

I don't want to become one of those people that tells the whole world of every strange and disgusting thing their body does. You know, the person that always demonstrates how loudly he can pop his ankle, or illustrates how much goop he can cough up when he has the flu, or insists on lifting his shirt in public places to show off the mutilated mass that was at one time his nipple until his ex-girlfriend tore off his nipple-ring in a furious rage.

So, when I visit the doctor this afternoon, no details will be forthcoming. I doubt you will be disappointed.

Sweet, sweet, sunshine. My Contiki contest prize has finally been claimed and arrangements have been booked, so this summer I am off to the fabled South Pacific. What was originally supposed to be a 3-week visit and tour has turned into a 5-week mega adventure! First I will make my way to the islands of Fiji, for some hot-pool treks, sandboarding, and sunset kayaking. I did a project on Fiji in the fifth grade and thought it was cool, so I decided that - while I'm already on that side of the planet - I may as well go. Then, it's off to the Land Down Under to visit some dear friends in Australia, followed by my well-earned tour along the east coast, savouring the reefs, beaches, and bush parties. Following that fly-through, it's back home with half-day stops in Singapore and Tokyo along the way. Again, I'm already over there, so why not make the most of it?

It's the posh, posh, the travelling life, the travelling life for me...

You may now send me your intense jealousies and bribes for passage in my suitcase.

Last Sunday, Canada won the gold medal at the World Hockey Championships. Asserting Canadian dominance in the Canadian game, the Canucks stormed through undefeated in a tournament that - with the NHL playoffs running concurrently - we only actually care about when we win. Nonetheless, the victory was a big one, and the winning goal was from local Toronto-boy Anson Carter. The media was in a frenzy over the extra-time win, and praised Carter for his golden goal to help Team Canada win. Nowhere have I heard, however, that "a black player" scored the winning goal. Thank you for not playing the race card. It never ceases to annoy me when people do that, and I'm certain Carter prefers it this way.

I went out camping for the long weekend, and it was much fun. I had missed all the long-weekend trips over the past two and a half years for various reasons, so it was good to get out again. It was nice to relax, forget about work, and just soak up the sun and fresh air, although battling black flies at all hours of the day wasn't much fun.

Some of the highlights of the trip included getting the car stuck in a giant mud pit and having to dig it out, seeing a trailer with the phrase "Don't laugh... your daughter might be in here" painted on it, and having a friend - after waiting for him for a good fifteen minutes to use the bathroom on the way home - being described as "walking like Elton John".

Every Friday at work, everyone in the technology department must write up a short weekly report on their progress of the week, and expectations for the weeks coming. Our manager originally proposed that those who forget to submit their reports would be fined one coffee, presentable to the manager Monday morning. At some point, this fine got extended to the purchase of coffee for every individual in the group. After the first such infracture occurred, I followed with the following address under the "Issues/Problems" section of my weekly report:

This little diatribe got me into a bit of trouble, but not for questioning our company's practices or for conveying the impression that I do not have enough work to do. The problem, in fact, is that now my manager has seen what sort of writing I can do and now wants to me to write documentation.

Oh, how humour can backfire...

This year's Stanley Cup Championship Parade will take place in either a New Jersey parking lot or Disneyland. What a sad, sorry, state of affairs.

I think the only hope for rejuvenation of the NHL is for a Stanley Cup Championship right here in Toronto next year. That is definitely our only course of action. Couple that with the tar-and-feathering of Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow, and I am certain every hockey fan will agree to that plan.

You know that the playoffs have gone completely screwy when a monkey makes better predictions than TV sports analysts. That is precisely what Maggie the Monkey has done all throughout TSN's playoff coverage. However, this monkey does seem to possess a bit more intelligence than your average macaque, as shown by The Toronto Star today:

"Unplugged sat down yesterday for a candid interview with Maggie, who might see her streak end next year with her assertion that the Maple Leafs will win the Cup....In any event, she was a better interview than Robert Reichel and probably knows enough not to drill the puck into a goalie's chest on a penalty shot."